Is Your Child A Loser?
To be a good loser is to learn how to win. – Carl Sandburg
Way back in the 1990s everybody thought the we needed to make sure every child was a winner – at everything – in order for them to have good self – esteem. But then we found out that this didn’t help our kids. By never losing, the children never realized that it was satisfying and fulfilling to discover their true talents. By losing on occasion, and winning on occasion, they found out their strengths and their weaknesses.
If we want to help our kids build a solid and enduring self-confidence, then we need to tell them the truth. When they win, tell them. When they lose, tell them. Losing can be a great opportunity to learn. Perhaps they are not talented in that area, or perhaps they didn’t work hard enough, or have the right teacher. Maybe what they have to do is redefine what it means to win. For some children, only scoring 100% on a math test could be considered a win. For others, just passing the class could be considered a win.
Have you ever fallen into any of these parenting traps? “It doesn’t matter how hard you work, because you are a winner!” (but what happens to your child’s motivation to give 110% when you say this?). “Your team didn’t lose that football game, because in my book you are a winner!” (but will your child take the time and effort to learn about any mistakes they made if it really doesn’t matter if they won or lost?). “You gave your best, so that makes you a winner!” (but will your child ever learn that maybe their native talents lie in a different area?)
If there are no winners and no losers, then no matter how hard they work, our children will not win. According to the “no losers” parenting trap: a) we can’t be honest with our children when they lose, because they are too fragile to handle losing, and b) if we ever allow our child to lose at something, their self-esteem will be ruined. Losing doesn’t exist. Everyone is a winner at everything.
Winning helps a child because it can teach them where their talents lie. It can teach the value of hard work and focus. But losing is just as important. Losing helps our children discover what is necessary to win, and in what areas they should devote their efforts. Sometimes losing just means that the child should try something else, but at other times it means just the opposite- that they should work harder and devote even more time to the effort.
Be a loving parent and teach your child how to benefit from losing. Teach them how to analyze a loss. You and your child will both be happier as a result.
Make sure you avoid the 5 big parenting traps. You can also get great mom support and additional ideas at StayatHomeMom.com. Thank you! Check here for free reprint licence: Is Your Child A Loser?.
